


plethora of thoughts

by livealive



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26190922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livealive/pseuds/livealive
Summary: seungmin can't write books involving his feelings, but upon meeting his ex, minho, everything worked out differently.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin & Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	plethora of thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> this au is commissioned! if you would like to commission me, please leave a comment and we can talk about it there. thank you!

Sometimes the best scenes that hit the most were from a movie. Sometimes from a book. Unusually from a song, but understandable. Best scenes that lift up the mood or bury it down to the ground. But mostly, the best scenes were nostalgic. And the only best scene for Seungmin was a smile.

That one bright smile that always comes with a cute giggle.

Every time Seungmin closes his eyes. The darkness lights up as he sees that smile in his vision. Most of the times, it automatically appears in his mind. But that’s not just it, he longs for it. He’s almost craving to see that smile all the time. He couldn’t help but miss everything about it. The thoughts of that smile suddenly showing right in front of him already makes him happy. It’s the only thing that he wants in the middle of his busy schedule. It looked like it’s too much, but the impact of it was as hard as two bottles of vodka knocking him down to sleep.

Seungmin is a writer. He already published five books that made him get recognized as a popular writer of the year. Seungmin wrote educational books and some of his works are reviews from his favorite books of all time. He’s also a big fan of Greek and Norse Mythology, but he’s been getting into Comic Books lately. Seungmin loves to write, at least until now. He published a new book that went viral because it’s the first time he wrote a love story. He thought it won’t do well but apparently, he thought wrong. He’s been into several interviews already that was broadcasted on national television.

“Are you in love?” The interviewer asked. Seungmin was flustered, but he chose to not make it obvious. It suddenly appeared in his mind. That smile again. It’s been there for long and it’s still there until now. Words are not enough to express how that smile makes him feel. It’s the only thing that struck his mind, nothing else.

“No.”

– 

After such a stressful day, Seungmin decided to unwind. He wanted to clear his mind. Everything that he felt lately piled up in his mind, tiring him in such an unexpected way. Even getting up in the morning felt hard and heavy for him. Not just that, skipping meals and unfinished drafts also added negative effects on his work. Though it’s true that Seungmin’s workload is too much for him, he tried so hard just to distract himself from it. He wanted to ignore, however, it doesn’t work at all.

He wanted to end his day with a hot coffee and drabbles so he stopped by the café that was close to his previous university. Upon opening the door, the ambiance of the café was nostalgic. It’s all still the same. The placement of the tables, the frames of people who celebrated their birthdays were still hung on the wall, the dedication board’s already full of messages, but a little surprise to him is that the café finally has its own television. Seungmin remembered that he used to nag at the owner before for not having a television as it will attract more customers. The café didn’t look that full from the outside but there is indeed quite a number of people inside. He took his time to look at the menu that was posted above the coffee machines, there are some new flavors and types of coffee and other beverages. He smiled to himself, feeling proud of what the usual café he goes to has achieved.

“Good evening, sir. May I take your ord–“ The cashier was cut off upon seeing Seungmin. Apparently, Seungmin didn’t have time to react. He was surprised as well. 

“Seungmin,” The cashier’s smile slowly disappeared as he stared at Seungmin’s face for long. He even had to blink thrice just to process that it’s really him. “Minho,” Seungmin greeted back, he couldn’t take his eyes off of Minho either. “I’m getting the usual,” Seungmin said and paid with the exact amount. He quickly walked towards an empty table and brought out the things he needs. He almost thought he forgot about his laptop but it was just swimming deep inside his bag. He also plugged airpods in his ear as he tried to write again and continue one of his unfinished works.

Minho walked towards Seungmin, he almost got nervous as he approaches near. But he attended to some customer assistance behind Seungmin’s table. As he glanced at secretly to the other table, he saw a snippet of his work. He also saw that Seungmin’s buzzer was vibrating but the latter was too busy to notice. Minho, then, walked to the counter and decided to serve Seungmin’s order instead. He placed Seungmin’s order on his table, sliding it closer to him. He quickly walked away before Seungmin gets weirded out by it. Minho was obviously nervous but he tried to keep his cool. 

As Minho was having an internal conflict with himself, Seungmin just casually reached his hand and grabbed his hot Americano with two shots of Espresso. It’s still the same taste, he couldn’t help but smile a little. This café is incomparable, at least to Seungmin. It was a whole minute until Seungmin noticed that there was something written on the tissue paper. He was supposed to wipe his mouth with it when he read the note.

‘Plethora of Thoughts, huh? Mind giving me a penny?’

Seungmin’s eyes quickly searched for the brown-haired lad. He couldn’t see Minho everywhere. He somehow felt uneasy. He covered his lips with the extra tissue and smiled before wiping off the excess coffee from his lips. Since he couldn’t find Minho, he just went back to work while taking small sips on his coffee. Seungmin was indeed immersed. He already lost track of time and didn’t notice that the customers are leaving one after another. He suddenly felt something tapping on his table, he looked up and it’s Minho.

“Excuse me, sir. But we’re near the closing hours of the café,” Minho said. Seungmin was flustered and suddenly fixed his things and put them in his bag. “Now that you’re finished, can you wait for me then?” Minho added. Seungmin was puzzled by the sudden invitation. But he wouldn’t mind staying with Minho for now. After all, it’s been long. He felt like he wanted to catch up with him. He watched Minho clean the tables and fix the coffee makers at the counter. He was lost in the moment while watching Minho and diverted his sight to the window when he saw him walking towards him. 

“Let’s go,” Minho invited him for a walk outside after he closed the café. Seungmin didn’t decline. He knew that Minho will bug him until he finally agrees to go with him so he basically escaped a moment of having a headache and saved himself. “It’s been so long. Haven’t seen you that much nor had any news about you,” Seungmin didn’t want to waste some time and started. “We’re different. I always see you,” Minho replied. They were walking at a park close to the café with the moon making a spotlight on their path. The night suddenly felt so cold, the atmosphere suddenly changed. 

“You’re everywhere. In magazines, newspaper, and also on TV,” Minho said while looking straight ahead. He hid his hands inside the pocket of his coat as the wind blows. “Yeah, I was really busy and forgot to check up on everyone else. How are they?” Seungmin asked and glanced at Minho, just to see his expression. “Well, everyone else has their own work. But Jeongin already graduated, Han invited him to work on their company. While Felix, Hyunjin, and Changbin built their own gaming shop, Chan gave them some funds while working on his music,” Minho continued without looking at Seungmin again, but he plastered a small smile in his mouth.

“And you?” Seungmin asked again. “Me? You’re finally asking about me, huh,” Minho joked. He took a deep breath as he sighed, “You already saw. I wasn’t that much successful but you pretty much saw it all.” Minho always talked about being a barista. It was a long time goal for him. Even when he took Psychology in College, his passion was always there for owning a café and making people smile with the coffee that he makes. Seungmin felt quite proud about that, he’s happy with whatever Minho achieved even when it’s not that of a large scale. But something bothered him and this is his only chance to ask.

“But why in that café?” Seungmin asked, confused with Minho’s decision.

“Because that’s the only place you’ll come back to.”

Seungmin’s expression grew cold as Minho glanced at him. Minho smiled as he looked away. As if he was expecting this to happen. From then, it was a silent walk at the park. Just admiring the moon and the fresh breeze was all they did, until Seungmin got tired and asked Minho to sit at the bench nearby which Minho quickly agreed on. Seungmin almost thought that this was a bad idea as they have not much to talk about after what Minho just said.

“So you’ve finally moved on, huh?” Minho opened while he was looking at the ground. Scraping his shoes on it as it makes loud sounds due to friction. “What do you mean?” Seungmin asked with a brow raised, obviously confused. “I saw your interview this morning,” Minho said and it finally clicked in Seungmin’s mind. The answer that he didn’t mean, he had no idea what to say. He kept silent until Minho started talking again.

“It’s okay. I know you shouldn’t be stuck in the past for long and maybe it’s just me until now. I was the only one hoping for more. That was stupid of me but it doesn’t mean it’s your fault,” Minho said while fiddling with his fingers. Seungmin was internally panicking, he didn’t know how to explain. He didn’t know how he would tell him that it’s not true, but he also didn’t want to tell. “It was something that I really wanted to move on from. Trust me, I tried. But once I saw that cold face of yours earlier I couldn’t help but think about the times that you didn’t want to accept me again,” Minho added, he spoke continuously that made Seungmin not want to interrupt. He would rather have Minho burst it all out to him than to cut him off by explaining himself. “I was fine. You were always rejecting my love even when we’re together. But I believed everything especially when you said that you love me. You always give me the cold shoulder but I didn’t mind since that’s what you really are before we even got together. But how come you can just leave me like that without an explanation?”

Seungmin was dumbfounded. He left Minho as if he was nothing to him, but it was completely the opposite. Seungmin couldn’t express himself, he always acted like an asshole to Minho but he genuinely cares for him. That’s why he was with him for years. He chose his own career while thinking of Minho and how he’d grow for himself and not for others. It was incredibly selfish for Seungmin, he’s regretting everything every single day. He wakes up everyday without Minho’s morning calls. He prepares everything that he needs without Minho’s reminders. He cooks some of his meals without Minho doing it for him or Minho giving him instructions on what to do. There is only one thing Seungmin can admit.

Living without Minho was the hardest part of his life.

He completely thought wrong. He still loves him with his whole heart which he continues to deny until now. Seeing Minho cry right now hurts him the most. Seungmin thought that when he finally sees Minho now, he could proudly look at him but he never expected this outcome for the both of them. Minho looked at him. Seungmin slightly flinched in surprise but he chose to look back. “That’s the expression on your face when you left me,” Minho said while his tears were falling down on his cheeks. “Ah, what a nostalgic feeling,” Minho added and smiled.

There. That smile. The only smile that haunts Seungmin until now. It was a smile of sadness and betrayal. The smile of surrender. Minho’s smile clearly displays mixed feelings as he didn’t stop crying. Seungmin was hurt. He was hurt because of how insensitive he was in College. Seungmin hugged Minho, “I’m sorry. Until now, I’m still sorry.” Minho understood, it’s not an apology for closure. It’s not an apology for not loving him. It’s an apology for Seungmin disappearing once again. The thought of Seungmin leaving again broke his heart more but he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. The night ended like that. With Seungmin giving Minho the last and tightest hug he could ever give.

– 

As soon as Seungmin arrives home, he quickly opened his laptop and continued his work. He had fourty-five drafts and drabbles that are dedicated to Minho. Seungmin couldn’t express his feelings well, but writing the only method that can save him. It took him years to practice writing before he achieved what he has now. But the only thing that he wants to achieve for so long was to tell Minho about his feelings and how sorry he was.

Seungmin put an all-nighter to finish his works and added the drafts to it. It’s finally time and he was ready to uncover it to the world. The words that were hiding on the sheets of his computer can finally breathe out on the pages of his new book. He published the book before he flew to Australia where the publishing company that he works to has moved. Seungmin smiled to himself as he read the sample of the book that will be published. He wasn’t satisfied as he won’t know if his goal would ever be achieved. There’s no chance that he will meet Minho again. 

Seungmin is sad but he can only hope.

– 

Minho was in his usual spot at his café, brewing coffee and making new recipes. He promised to himself to put himself first from now on. He was even more dedicated to move on now. Seeing how Seungmin never changed did knock his head a little. Though the feeling is still there, he didn’t want to dwell on it too much. Minho was even more determined to work hard and improve his café. He wanted to show Seungmin, at least, that he had a positive effect on him.

“Hyung!” A cute visitor came and greeted. “Jeongin! Coffee for Han?” Minho asked as he pinched the younger’s cheek which he earned a whine from doing so. “Yes. He’s stressing me a lot but he said it’s a part of the training so I just comply. I don’t know if I’m getting tricked though,” Jeongin suspiciously said but smiled after. Seeing how Jeongin grew cheered up Minho for quite a while, but he also remembers College with him so he felt mixed feelings.

“By the way, hyung,” Jeongin added while he finds something in his bag and hands it over to Minho. “Read that. It’s Seungmin hyung’s new book!” That’s unusual. Seungmin doesn’t publish books in such a short while. The title of the book ticked off something to Minho. “Plethora of Thoughts?” Minho asked Jeongin. “Yes. Read it, it’s beautiful!” Jeongin said before taking his order and walked out of the café. Minho felt the urge to read it, not only because Jeongin recommended it but he’s also curious as to why Seungmin immediately published such a work. Minho tried to read the book in his break time.

‘In my heart I couldn’t contain. Parts of you were in me which I couldn’t erase. So I let it be.’

Minho felt sad. It was completely what he feels. He couldn’t forget about his overflowing feelings for Seungmin. He couldn’t forget about it even when he tried. He just let it be like how the river continuously flows but it lead to worse. Though he’s trying again, he couldn’t help but remember.

‘The coldness in me overshadowed my genuine feelings. The warmer my heart is to you, the colder I expressed it in reality.’

Minho suddenly thought if Seungmin was writing to him. But it was quite absurd. Seungmin would never. Because if Seungmin wanted to tell him something, he would’ve told him that night. Minho didn’t want to get his hopes high again, it hurt before and it will hurt even more now. He wanted to protect himself from this and not to give in.

‘I see you when I close my eyes. Your smile is still in my system and I don’t want to get rid of it. I chose not to.’

But apparently, Minho is not completely dumb. He knew this isn’t for friends or family. He knew it was for him. He became a crybaby again, he tried to suppress his tears but it fell quickly before he can even wipe it. He didn’t know what to feel. Happy? Relieved? Satisfied? It’s nowhere near those.

‘Plethora of thoughts? I’ll give you a penny. It’s you.’

The book ended with Minho wanting more of it. A lot of his questions were answered with such small details. Some of it were hidden in Seungmin’s lines. He really knows how to make Minho cry. He had no idea that Seungmin would write a book for him even though he hoped for it before. But upon reading his book and realizing that Seungmin admits his fault sparked happiness on Minho’s heart. There’s no way that they could be together again but Minho was definitely fine.

He knew Seungmin loved him more than he did and it’s the only answer that he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. i hope you liked it!


End file.
